im 18 allmost 19 married for allmost a year never been in one fight with my husband. but 4 weeks ago we had a new addition to our new family and no he doesn't help much with baby stuff and i have delt with it no biggy but he has also been a major jerk and tonight she was very fussy she is colic for those of you who don't know she has a constint belly ache cuz she is also lactose intolerant and wellhe came home and jumped on the computer no big deal i thoaght then i started asking him to help he ignored me when i finally got her to sleep i went to tell him so we could finally spend time together and he was looking at porn. im not one to fight or argue but im so mad i could cry and its not that he was looking at porn it's the fact that that must be more importent then his exhusted wife and baby. well any way what should i say to him without fighting.Stupid girl needs advice on her how to deal with a jerk of a husband.?
Well for starters he needs to give up the porn. Honestly. At least in his own privacy.
It seems to me like you let him step all over you, Marriage is a commitment, partnership, and teamwork you should remind him of that.
BOUNDARIES.
you need to give him boundaries, and you need to hold boundaries for yourself.
When hes not doing anything that he is required to do then simply tell him once, and if you see him remain unresponsive, then say you will not ask him again, if hes not willing to be of any use then you don't need him.
Really.
If he isn't helpful around you, then don't bother keeping a husband who isn't even taking a role of husband.
Avoiding conflict with him is unavoidable, hes gonna feel like his territory is threatened, as you do in yours, but if hes not willing to commit his responsibilities as a father, then who will father the child and support the wife? Nobody.
Don't be concerned over trying to please him, or hurt his feelings, it sounds like that's what you're trying to do, you got feelings too and yet hes treating you this way.
Especially when your referring yourself as stupid (could be exaggerating), your questions is of high value as any ones.
Your smart one here asking for help.
Id expect him come here and ask '; how can i be a good father and husband?'; than checking porn when hes needed to nurture his child.
Fights.
Dont get over emotional over a fight with your husband, its quite normal to quarrel, just make sure you are happy at where your stand and for your daughter as well. If not, Change it.Stupid girl needs advice on her how to deal with a jerk of a husband.?
there is no answer except him. kids are life altering. my money is on he doesnt know how to deal with you and a baby. porn - is he deprived? from his perspective, not yours!
Actually, you should be more concerned about the porn...
We, too, had a baby with colic who didn't sleep more than 20 minutes at a time every two to three hours, so there was no sleep for me! You just deal with things the best you can...
First understand that part of your feeling is post natal depression.
Second. Tell your husband that you have carried the baby round for the last 9 months and it is now time for him to get of his a*s and help.
If he does not respond positively to that you could try explaining that it takes a woman a while to recover from childbirth before she can engage in sex and if he doesn't help your son could be in college before you recover enough.
Sometimes gentle persuasion is the only way.
You guys are really young and really that shouldn't be an excuse, but perhaps he just wasn't prepared for the job.
You are right that you can't just let him disconnect from the fact that his is a father and a husband and that does have some responsibilities.
Tell him you want both of you to go to parenting classes. If he refuses, tell him he doesn't have a choice. Schedule the time anyway. Give him reminders. If ultimately, he doesn't go, then go alone. Let him know that you are taking all of this seriously. You may have to go alone a time or two, but he might come around.
I hope this works, but he is going to have to shape up. It's just a fact. If you have to be forceful...then be forceful.
If you don't like the idea of classes, then tell him that you have to go to an appointment and he will have to take care of the baby. Give him an hour. Try that. Then give him two hours. He may claim he doesn't know how to do it...then offer to get him some help, like a parenting class or someone to show him how to be a dad. He will wake up, when he is challenged to do it. He really might just be afraid.
Its a sign of immaturity on his part. He obviously has little or no understanding of how hard it is to be exhausted from dealing with fussy colicky babies. Looking at porn and ignoring you needing a little help? It sounds like to me he needs a wake up call and to stop thinking that if he ignores the problem it will go away. It's possible also that he needs help to deal with being a new father, that can often be a shock to new parents to realise that babies are nothing like they are portrayed on tv.
Tell him when you have calmed down, exactly how you feel and why and if he continues to act like a spoilt brat you need to take a good long look at why you are staying the relationship.
Some people are just not cut out for kids . So he escapes to his porn and wishes he didnt have a kid and was just you and him again. I hope he comes out of it for the child .
He's a prize jerk, Dump him. He's not worthy of being a husband and father.
I think your biggest mistake is in not confronting him about things that bother you. You sound like the type that just lets him do whatever he wants. I'm pretty sure you and he didn't talk about sharing responsibilities before you got married or before you had the baby. Well, it's not too late for you to start standing up for yourself. Just tell him you are going to take a nap, hand him his child and go lay down. He will have no choice but to take care of his child while you rest. Also, tell him right away when things are bothering you. You don't have to raise your voice, or blame him or nag him. Just tell him that you need his help, he needs to get off the porn sites and be a father. He thinks you won't stand up to him so he does what he wants. He is being selfish and hurtful to you, who he is supposed to love and support. Now stop letting him have his way all the time. He has responsibilities.
Focus on your role as a mother. Your baby will sense your stress and anxiety, don't do that to your kid. Do your own thing and ignore his stupid actions for now. He may miss your presence and return to his husband manner or stay the jerk. No point in threatening him unless you are prepared to take action and follow through. You are too tired for that. Get your rest, eat right, and stay positive.
tell him what a selfish jerk he is being
as the nanny does it on tv...you will most likely have to put him in your shoes before he appreciates what you do as a mother......unfortunately a family in a task for a man and you married a boy......you can try showing him the same amount of attention, consideration, that he shows you.....
First of all.....you are NOT stupid. Just vulnerable. You are going through alot. Having a baby is one of the biggest stressors on a marriage.
I would say that your husband is NOT handling the new baby situation well at all. Was he interested in porn BEFORE the baby came? If so, having the baby has nothing to do with what he is doing now.
What a terrible thing to do to you, when you need help now, more than ever. How selfish of your hubby... He better wake up and soon, and realize what a wonderful, treasured and beautiful family he has. He is one lucky man. I hope he realizes that before it's too late.
Please find a friend that you can confide in, so you can talk out your problems and relieve some stress. You are going through so much. You need support, in the worst way.
If you need an ';online'; friend to talk things out with....I am only an email away. I REALLY will help if I can. I am a great listener....
Hang in sweet one...hugs to you and the new one. You deserve better hon.
Your obviously involved with selfish person, the majority of the times they don't change, so be the bigger person and let stuff go. I understand you'll carry most of the load but this is the result of being with a selfish person.
It is a biggy with him not helping with the baby, its important he is involved in helping with the baby dont let him get away with that and secondly colic babies are very stressful and he needs to relieve you from that it will sooner or later become overwhelming which Im sure you are at that point... and just from experience men have to be father's just as women have to be mother's and that computer is not as important as helping you so you need to talk and if that does not work then give ultimatum's....
